newlife2design

When I can't think no more, and the thoughts crowd my head, I let them out, one at a time, and after sorting them, put them back together again…in order to begin entangling another web!

Singularly!

Laboriously, I peeled. Patiently, I extracted the lovely red seeds of the Pomegranates. My sis-in-law exclaimed in sympathy – that’s why it’s called “not a bachelor’s fruit”! Bananas are bachelor’s fruits. No fuss, no mess, no hard work.

I have been divorced for the last seven years and, for all practical matters, I consider myself single.

So, the comment “not a bachelor’s fruit” didn’t make much sense to me.

Then, I thought about it and realized that bachelors are considered lazy, carefree, free of responsibilities, basically god-for-nothing. And with true Indian sacrificing spirit, we feel that whoever is good, must be a hard-working ass, would have been tortured. will drink but only to drown their sorrows; they wouldn’t indulge in drunken revelry like the bachelors and girls on their night outs!

And because Indians feel that being tortured is so essential for the goodness of soul, marriage is considered necessary, bachelorhood is frowned upon!

And then I wonder if marriage is so good, and teaches one responsibility, and if married people are right, they’re supposed to eat right, at home, daal-roti, not the fast food and beers like bachelors indulge in all the time! So, why is it that before marriage these men have almost concave like stomachs, the only protrusions being these cute little abs. But after marriage, the same stomach acquires the convex shape! The straight, flat line becomes a nice round! Married people eat right. Right? They have the pomegranates that their wives have lovingly peeled and cleaned for them. The bachelor is the one who rushed out of the door, late for work, with a banana and orange in hand. So, what happened to the projected results of eating the right foods?

Bachelorhood has “convenience” as the strongest argument for it. Marriages are considered the inconvenient, but necessary paths to acquire legal heirs.

So, why is it that very soon the honeymoon turns into a never-ending period of convenience? Marriage ceases to be the union of two lovers, it becomes the union of a handyman, chauffeur, gofer, maid, cook, and baby-sitter!

Bachelor roommates share everything equally, even respect, irrespective of their individual salaries. It doesn’t matter how much you make. Your share of the rent, grocery bills, in fact, every expense that you were supposed to share, you need to pay, on time.

But this practical sharing of duties and expenses, which keeps fights at the minimum, and partnerships to last the maximum, is so unemotional. Isn’t  it? where’s the love? Where’s the care? Let’s face it. You might be living like a family, but you aren’t a family.

But the husband-wife union is so glorified! The union of the souls, of two families coming together, of two beings united not just for this life, but forever, all the lives that you will ever live! Here’s the emotional bond that defies every practical sense one might believe any kind of sharing ever requires – one person will earn, one person will spend! One person will give rise to the idea of a child, the other will bring the child into this world, and raise the child to be a human being from whom they can command their old-age benefits!

And, my rant shall continue…later…

 

 

Fairly Different!

Ira blinked away her tears, squared her shoulders and walked into her manager’s office. Her husband Rajesh’s lackadaisical attitude towards his unemployed status was infuriating on normal days. But on days like this one when he chose to punctuate the conversation with taunts about her over-busyness and barely disguised insults, Ira found it difficult to keep it together and look normal. But she had to pretend that everything was fine and put on her public face, at least in office. Bracing herself against her manager’s criticism for the delayed report, she entered his room.

Rohit, her manager, took one look at her sorrowful eyes and withdrawn expression and spat out, “Oh, don’t tell me! Another domestic woe! And then, you women want equal rights! How many men in our team cry over their domestic squabbles at my desk, Ira? Is this fair to them?”

Ira apologized and pleaded for another chance. She would be extra careful in future.

She returned to her desk, skipped lunch to make up for the lost hour in the phone call with Rajesh, and raced against the clock to finish her work and leave the office at five. Going over the menu for tonight’s dinner, she drove maniacally and strategized the cooking process in her mind. While cooking, she had to also supervise their son’s preparation for his test the next day. Rajesh was hopeless with Ishaan! The two of them would be soon at loggerheads if she asked Rajesh to help Ishaan with his studies.

She entered the house and realized that her maid Jayanti had still not turned up. Great! Now, she would need to first clean the pressure cooker before she could even get started with the dinner preparations. And here she had been hoping for some help with the chopping and kneading! Just as she was finishing up the washing, Jayanti walked in. Ira lost it! “What is this Jayanti? Why can’t you ever be on time? Oh, don’t look at me like that! Every day you have the same story! I am so tired of you telling me every day that your idle husband got drunk and created a ruckus! Why don’t you realize that he is not going to change, and leave him? You are the breadwinner! You don’t need him! You don’t need this nonsense! And let’s face it, I certainly don’t need this! What do you think? Are you being fair to me?”

Ira lost it! “What is this Jayanti? Why can’t you ever be on time? Oh, don’t look at me like that! Every day you have the same story! I am so tired of you telling me every day that your idle husband got drunk and created a ruckus! Why don’t you realize that he is not going to change, and leave him? You are the breadwinner! You don’t need him! You don’t need this nonsense! And let’s face it, I certainly don’t need this! What do you think? Are you being fair to me?”

 

Just for Me

Every now and then, I feel like writing things down. My thoughts are scattered all over the place, and I want to organize, pin them down. I start to travel with one thought sometimes, and a minute later I have something else distracting me. It appears to be infinitely more interesting. I know that if I just stuck with something long enough, there’s a good chance to create something worthwhile. But my ADHD gets the better of me!

I do think that it’s high time I admitted certain things. After all, admission of a problem is the first step to the resolution of that problem! How else will I be able to tackle the clutter in my house, life, and mind?

On another note, have you ever stopped to think that contrary to our self-proclaimed progressiveness, our thinking can be extremely biased? We are so given to finding fault, and so fearful of causing ripples, that it’s easiest to blame the victim when the situation creeps on us. In a consciously held thoughtful debate, of course, we will side with the right and vociferously put the blame in the right corner. Let me give you an example.

Within the insulated office walls, professional etiquette directs us to acknowledge the shorts-wearers in the cafeteria with a brief stare and a slight shake of the head. Provided these are men. Women wouldn’t even dream of wearing shorts in the office! No matter how liberated the office culture is! Coming back to my example, the shorts-clad men receive a unnoticeable stare and are dismissed. However, with women, it’s a slightly different story. The progressive-thinking, liberated colleague, will acknowledge the jeans and boots on the woman in the office, recognize that she looks smart, and unconsciously, but promptly, label her attention-seeking, and therefore, put a tiny question mark on her character – why does she want to attract attention to herself? Doesn’t she know that she is a woman? She needs to blend in the background, unobtrusively go about her job, never be noticed. Her success on the career ladder will, of course, be questioned, and commented on as well. If she has a male boss, she must have used her wiles to be promoted. If her manager is a woman, she has a gender bias.

I must point out here that this entire thought process is extremely unconscious, and the best of us are guilty of this slurring. Because we do not want to admit that we are capable of making this mistake, it becomes even easier to commit this error. And we go on, blissfully unaware that we are silently contributing to the bias against women. This phenomenon might be restricted to the urbane, educated, thinkers. But, geographically, it is quite boundary-less and global. The only time it comes to light is when the issue becomes too large to ignore, and we find ourselves standing with the wrong crowd. But, by then, it is often quite late, and we need to restart our battle for women rights, human issues, and minorities. Remember, that this battle needs to start from within. We need to fight our own prejudices first and work extremely hard to erode these out of our minds before we can hope to raise a strong voice against the rest of the world.

 

Locked cries

In your home prisons, you try to lock  me,

You say it’s for my own safety

How can I trust you when so many lives have been muted out?

Girls who never left their cribs.

Some were violated before they took the first step out.

How can I have faith, tell me how do I believe?

Why should we need to curb the innocent?

Why aren’t the violent under lock and key?

Why are you so ready to label me as a slut simply because I had fun?

Tell me where would we find mothers if all women were to be just nuns?

 

 

It irritates the hell out of me when…

**** men refuse to put in any effort to identify a new place to go to, but claim to be all suave and confident by going to the same place and ordering the same stuff, and then expect that they will impress others!

**** people hit <Enter> after a smiley, a hi, an “lol”, making my phone buzz like crazy for no urgent reason!

One a Day

Write post…one a day!

Clean shelf…one a day!

Review chapter…one a day!

Learn something…one a day!

Cook dish…one a day!

Craft something…one a day!

Get inspiration…one a day!

Give inspiration…one a day!

Maybe I can do this…if I take my life…a day at a time…you know…one a day!

Movies and Life

All the movies that you have watched and related to in a deep manner are somehow the parts of your life. The movie comes to an end, but your life doesn’t. All through the movie you keep on feeling the emotion, and identifying with a character. You relate to their pain and sadness. The happy scenes trigger off a smile in your mind, recalling a moment shared in your life time. And the movie and you become entwined. But then the movie comes to an end. And your life is still going on. Those who left and caused you pain, somehow find themselves coming around. And then another movie comes along, and you realize that it’s telling your story one more time. You pause and you connect, something inside you causes you to reflect. Is that what happened to me? Should I have done something different? You become the protagonist and the deuteragonist and the tritagonist…. and you switch roles and feelings the way it feels true. and you want to explain something better, deny what is untrue. You become involved, and sink in to the movie. You feel challenged, and you feel dismayed. Something in your soul has been completely swayed. And then when you have risen to the peak of your feelings, you are smashed to the ground. Another movie has come to an end, another phase is over without a sound. You are left in a room and the credits are rolling up. You want to stay in that moment. You want to go back to the start. You don’t want it to end. But it does. So, you get up and continue. It’s over. You tell yourself. And you can’t hold on to it, no matter what you do. You let that moment slip though your subconsciousness. You learn to let the movie go. And let your life continue. You go on. You take your learnings from this story, and your movie memories. Weave them with the events of your life. Make new resolutions and make new plans. The characters have sired you up. You’re going for that morning run. and you are going to smile through your pain. You will let your lovers go, and you will learn to live again. You’ll be true, and you will be wise. Every moment is precious, every chance has to be tried. Life had come to a pause. The reel has shown you another side. Your life might have been in a rut, or running at breakneck speed. But you’ve had your two hours to pause and reflect, and all the memories that you wanted to recollect. It’s time to get up. Time for that coffee. time to move on. Until the next heart-wrenching movie comes along, to shake your core one more time, to make you let go, one more time. To make you hold on and love your life – one more time.

Get out there and make a difference.

February turned up and love competitions fill the air,

My story isn’t in the running; a solo soul has no heart to care.

How do I participate in this fetish for triviality when I have no Valentine?

My heart twists because I have no one to call just mine.

And then, whoosh, reality dashes in!

What are you doing on the floor? Didn’t you hear the doorbell ring?

I pep me up. Give myself a mental hug, kiss, and a swift kick!

C’mon, girl you got to grin and bear it.

Remember those with no arms to get a hug?

And you sit there, feeling sorry because no one returned your hug?

Forget the tears and start to smile.

This self-pity isn’t worthwhile.

There’s a reason why there’s no one special for you.

Maybe there’s isn’t just one person, but a hundred who need you.

Go out there and find what they need.

Make sure they get it, have enough to eat.

And while you’re out there, do get them a warm bed to sleep.

Get them a roof over their heads and tell them to hold their head up high.

Give them a reason to build another life.

Don’t be special for just one person but make a thousand hearts smile!

Welcome 2014!

The new year has begun. And everyone wishes a very happy new year. I am feeling a little disconcerted with myself. I don’t see much of a change since yesterday. The year has changed certainly and we will write our dates differently. The newness comes from tge satisfaction of having ended the year doing something totally on my own terms. I return home, to my routine, with new vigour. I feel more confident of myself, more excited and hopeful about what’s coming next. And I feel determined to enjoy it all, good times, and bad times, warts and all! I love you life! Let’s join 2014 with a smile! Hey, get up! Get on with your next drive!

Don’t take yourself seriously!

Life is a journey they say. I am comfortable with that. It doesn’t matter where others want you to be. You should be happy to be where you are. Unless, of course, you happen to be standing in the middle of traffic, and others are trying to pull you to safety!

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