Starting afresh when everything you took for granted is gone. It’s a very lonely feeling, and I feel very confused. So hesitant: do I start from this point, or do I turn around, and try to make the wrongs right?
What will I achieve by reaching out for people who have forgotten me and gone? What will I achieve by remembering moments that are never going to be repeated? The essence seems to have gone. Now, I feel like an empty shell. And I don’t know if I should think about all that I have lost, or should I start working on refilling this shell. Will I appear cold and unfeeling? Of course people will say that it didn’t matter to her, she didn’t care anyways.
They will. I know it.
It will hurt. I know it.
But I can’t change it.
At times, the despair gets to me and I want to just end my life. But I don’t. I haven’t.
I am trying to recreate a new life, a new routine for myself – step by step, thread by thread, one day at a time. Looking forward to criticism and brickbats from others, and tons of grit and strength from myself.
And here’s what I am thinking – writing this blog everyday will help me talk to me and together we’ll get through this phase I call “My New Solitary Life”. And at the end of it all, I will find myself – a new me, and then it won’t be so solitary anymore. At least I will have someone – me!