I had no idea what was building up. Very quietly, slowly, you grew up on me. I didn’t realize your presence at first. Then, suddenly, there you were! Where the hell did you crop up from? Why are you here? Why are you subjecting me to this kind of torture? I never even knew you existed. So, I could hardly have invited you here.
Wait a minute! Let me think back. Did I say anything to point your attention to me? Did I do anything that could have made you feel welcome in my life? You know that nobody likes you. No one ever wants you around. Yet, you refuse to give up. And your entry mechanisms never change, do they? You’ll just sit there right outside the door, listening in, biding your time. Just when we are not looking, you’ll slip in through the cracks.
Yes, yes, I know. The cracks are there in my life. Sometimes, I have just been too lazy to bring things to closure. And just when I or someone I claimed to love, didn’t close the door properly, or we were too busy fighting with each other, you got your chance to sneak in.
Once you were there, reasons unimportant, you just feasted on my sorrow, on my feelings that I was trying so hard to bury. You dug up even those feelings that I thought I had been able to set aside. I thought I had moved on. You fed on my anger, and you grew to a humongous size. You were too much to ignore. And you just wouldn’t leave.
You touched everything, everyone, nothing was above you. All of it was tainted suddenly, so horribly. I thought you’d just taken over my house. I wanted to run away. I thought you’d taken over my life. I wanted to die. But I didn’t want to give up without a fight. So, I fought with all my might. and you took advantage that I was so blinded by my fury, that I just didn’t know where to strike. So, conveniently, you hid. You hid behind everyone around me. I don’t know why they felt compelled to shield you. Why they thought that diverting my attention from you was the right thing to do. Did you never think about what you were doing to me? I grew weak in my misery, and I felt you were making everyone sneer and laugh at me. They saw what you were making me go through, and did nothing to help me. Life had never been so bleak and hopeless.
Right when I hit rock bottom, and I thought it was the end, I saw a small, tiny flickering light. That light made me look at myself. You’d made me really dirty,. But, you know what? I was dirtier because of my own actions. My filth was my own creation. Yes, you got me down. But you didn’t finish me. I was trying to finish the job that seemingly you had started. But this tiny ray of light had changed everything. I could see better even though the light was not so strong. So, I stepped back and gave that light some air. Dragging in a deep breath, I saw it fed with more oxygen. The light grew stronger, and soon became a flame. I felt, confident, alive once again. I was going to cleanse myself. So, I picked up the duster, and started shaking the dirt off myself. Ruthlessly, I continued until I felt clean. I could see better; there was clarity. I looked up and found that the sky was just as blue, the grass and trees that I so loved were just as green as they used to be. The simple pleasures of life once again gave me peace. And with that peace, I started stitching everything that was torn, making myself whole, once again. I removed the parts I didn’t like, I tidied myself and smiled.
That’s when it hit me. This is what you’d come into my life, hadn’t you? I was getting complacent. I had stopped thinking, developed a comfort zone that I was reluctant to leave. You came in to shake me up. To make me realize that although still alive, I had stopped living. I had reached one peak, and wasn’t interested in getting back down, and finding a new mountain to climb. I didn’t want to change. I didn’t want to struggle. I just thought that by letting things be, I was indeed letting them be. But nothing stays the same, does it? Everything had started to go stale. Rot had started to set in. My family, friends, and colleagues were starting to feel the stink. They were going to leave.
Before I lost everything that was dear to me, you walked in and forced me to change – to clean. I started to feel good with that change. Today, I realize that I should never have resisted you. I should have embraced you. Because you are the one who game the opportunity to move from good to better. You are the reason for the new, clean, improved me.
Thank you dear PROBLEM. I am so sorry. I had no idea that you were going to be the one to shape a better me. Thank you for helping me change!
So, so nice of you to have stopped by. Whenever you think I am getting stupid, and getting stuck in a rut, please feel free and visit again. I realize that you are named Problem, but really, you are the only chance for a better me!