Letter to my 18-year old Daughter
Today, I found this letter that I had written to my darling daughter about a year ago. It was a harrowing period with tons of conflict and confusion. I wrote this to gather strength for both of us, and help us get through that difficult time. Today, it’s not just a bittersweet memory, but also a very important lesson in priorities – deciding what’s important, what’s temporary, and what’s the real feeling that will continue forever. I thought I’ll put it here as a record and a reminder.
I want to start by saying, once again that I love you. I know that you know that I love you. But I wanted to say it all the same.
I know that you and I are having a real bad time right now. And I know you want me to stay out of your life, and not try to discuss anything with you. But it’s really tough for me to do that because I love you. And when I see you going through all that pain and hurt, I want to take you in my arms, kiss and make it better. It’s just a natural Mom reaction. It isn’t something that is unique to me. All moms feel this way.
It doesn’t mean that you are wrong. You want to be independent, and you want to do your own thing. And this is right. You should be independent, and I will always be proud of you no matter what you choose to be. I think you know that – that I won’t dictate your choices. Guide you maybe, but never force you.
But please remember:
Being independent does not mean cutting away from me.
Being independent means that you do what you want to do, with me and without me.
Being independent does not mean that you do the wrong thing.
Being independent means that of all the right choices available, you choose the right thing for yourself, the one that you like.
Being independent does not mean that you never make a mistake.
Being independent means that you try new things, in the process even make mistakes.
Being independent does not mean that you make a mistake and turn away from it.
Being independent means that you accept that you made a mistake, fix it, and move on.
Being independent does not mean that you do not study.
Being independent means that you study hard, build your career (NDA, choreography, CA, whatever!), and be strong and happy.
Please understand baby that you are now old enough to have feelings as strong as love. But even adults find it difficult to manage their love relationships. So, you are not the only one who is having fights or problems. A lot of people do. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You are not a bad girl for being confused between two guys. It’s a natural feeling, not a bad feeling. In time, you will figure out the right guy for you, and until you do, all that you need to do is try and understand yourself. Once you have understood yourself, you’ll know what you want also. This is just a period of confusion. And I know that you are very disturbed. But believe me motu, it will be ok soon. And you will once again be happy and fine.
I can understand that you feel a divide between you and me because I am your Mom. But you do need to talk to someone, such as a counselor who can help you sort out your problems.
Just remember that I will always be there for you. In your heart. Call out once, and I’ll come running.
Take care and be happy,