newlife2design

When I can't think no more, and the thoughts crowd my head, I let them out, one at a time, and after sorting them, put them back together again…in order to begin entangling another web!

Clean up This World

Since when have I felt this need?

This need to hide, for anonymity?

Since I knew I was going to be a woman.

And now I look to hide, hide away to protect my dignity.

Uncovered parts could leave me unclothed

When I step out into the big bad world of these x-ray-eyed heroes.

They have already acknowledged my right as a victim

I will die alone, unknown to my family.

Hopefully, they will be spared the horror of being witnesses

As I am rendered unable to deny or ask,

What I have done to deserve this.

I am so sorry I was born. Please accept my apology.

My karma must have been bad.

If I had known better, I would have been born a man.

Unrestrained, I could have roamed free.

Got sympathy, if somebody stole from me.

Unquestioned, I would have lived.

My life could have been trouble-free!

Finally, one day when all like me have been killed at birth, at 75, or at puberty,

One day this world would be finally woman-free!

Of course, there’s a way to continue the human race without any women,

So that men can then, live alone, with peace, happiness, and purity!

Clean up This World

Since when have I felt this need?

This need to hide, for anonymity?

Since I knew I was going to be a woman.

And now I look to hide, hide away to protect my dignity.

Uncovered parts could leave me unclothed

When I step out into the big bad world of these x-ray-eyed heroes.

They have already acknowledged my right as a victim

I will die alone, unknown to my family.

Hopefully, they will be spared the horror of being witnesses

As I am rendered unable to deny or ask,

What I have done to deserve this.

I am so sorry I was born. Please accept my apology.

My karma must have been bad.

If I had known better, I would have been born a man.

Unrestrained, I could have roamed free.

Got sympathy, if somebody stole from me.

Unquestioned, I would have lived.

My life could have been trouble-free!

Finally, one day when all like me have been killed at birth, at 75, or at puberty,

One day this world would be finally woman-free!

Of course, there’s a way to continue the human race without any women,

So that men can then, live alone, with peace, happiness, and purity!

Poems and Prose

In expensive notebooks, giving my words the best shelter and care,
Telling a friend,  bringing them up for air,
A tear, a smile, coating my own soul bare,
Years later these will tell me what I thought today,
For what I want to tell you, only my words can say.

OMG! – God exists but do we need to prove it?

This question is inspired by the movie OMG – Oh My god that I watched last evening. I don’t particularly care for Mr. Akshay Kumar, but my son was most insistent that I must watch this movie. He even tried to motivate me by saying that Akshay Kumar’s role in this movie is very limited, and the movie is all about how we perceive God, and carries some important messages.

So, here’s what I understood from the movie – God exists – everywhere. We don’t need to segregate God into special places like temples, masjids, gurudwaras, and churches. God exists in everyone, not just stone statues. God doesn’t want to be appeased or bribed – making another human/living being happy would be an excellent form of worship too.

And this vibes with my thinking very well. I am not just being lazy when I don’t feel like going to the temple. I don’t mean to be uncharitable to the priests at the temple. But something inside me does not agree with the entire concept of having rituals and customs for everything to prove that we believe in God, and are good people.

A dialogue from OMG stayed with me – “Indians are not God-loving, but God-fearing people”. Very true, and that’s why we don’t feel free to do what we want. Instead of listening to our consciousness and ensuring that we do the right thing, we confine ourselves to doing the right thing as defined by our religious interpretations. And that does not make much sense to me. For example, if eating non-vegetarian food is wrong on certain days, why is it alright on other not-so-well-recognized-by-Hindu-religion days, like a Sunday?

And after the movie finished, I was very sure – my Mom, an extremely religious and, more importantly, a very ritualistic person, must watch this movie. My cousin, daughter, everyone agreed wholeheartedly, in fact a little vehemently.

Then, I went about doing my routine tasks, and took a warm shower. I don’t know whether it was the comfort of the routine or the calming warmth of the hot shower, but I started to question myself. My mom has lived by these ritualistic procedures all her life. In fact, she has changed her life constantly in order to include more and more of these customs into her daily routine. I could always trick her into watching this movie because it’s a hindi movie which she loves. But I wonder what’s the point? What will I achieve?

After all, this is how she plans to deal with whatever problems life chooses to mete out to her. This is her way of maintaining hope and her future dreams despite all the troubles that hit us everyday. This is how she recovers from her pains. Would i really be helping her by taking this support away? What would this intervention leave her with? More questions? Is that how I should help her – shake her beliefs and leave her wondering?

Somewhere, I realized, I just couldn’t do this to her. I need to indulge her whims, and not begrudge her anything, irrespective of how I feel about the rituals she chooses to follow. Somewhere, this movie helped me accept my Mom more than anything else could have done. How very ironic!

Q: Is it ever anything but torturous watching a parent (and best friend) slowly dying? Answer: NO!!

Q: Is it ever anything but torturous watching a parent (and best friend) slowly dying? Answer: NO!!.

Just read this post. OMG! It just comes and hits you somewhere deep within.  Very soulfully written, bittersweet in its impact.

CHOICES THAT WE MAKE

When we land on Earth, we get to experience so many things, and these are good and bad. What we choose to pick up, and what we leave behind from this huge Garden of Eden defines how we are going to live. If I choose to pick up the right things, I might lead a more guilt-free but abstinent life, than if I choose something that gives me immediate relief now, but great pain later. So, what am I going to opt for? And why do my natural tendencies, my first reactions, my gut feel, my instinct prompt me to pick up one thing, and not the other? Is it that when I was traveling around the universe, I had some experiences that led me to make these choices?

Does this karma of the choices and actions impact what I am going to do next, or is it the result of my travels from planets beyond? from lest he has to return here when he realizes his mistake? What defines success and failure?

LIVING AND DYING REVISITED

We come down in this world as souls adrift. Do we know what we are meant to do while we are here? Some of us seem to be so goal-oriented. Intent on success, we stride on our chosen paths. For others, most of us, the confusion lingers on, and we never know where we are going, where we have reached, how far ahead we have to go. We never even have a moment to identify all those places that we have passed by. In most of the life stories that I have read, I have seen people go through periods and periods of despair, confusion, and pain. Did they know that through this excruciating journey, they will one day find greatness? One day, people will look at them, and regard them with amazement for having achieved what they did. But does the worker know this while he toils? Or is he just concentrating on the task at hand, and completing that step he is taking at that moment? When he continues on to the next step, does he know that he has taken it in the right direction, or does he make a mental note of where he has started from lest he has to return here when he realizes his mistake? What does define success and failure?

As we live from day-to-day, is there a chance that we are wrong in calling life a journey? Maybe we don’t have to go anywhere at all. Maybe we have already reached where we had to. Maybe this earth, this planet is the one we were heading towards while continuing our galactic journeys? Maybe the reason we take human shapes only when we are born on Earth because that is where we were supposed to come to a stop. Here we can settle down, relax, and call it a permanent home, as permanent  as it can be called for the next 0 – 100 years. A life time, calculated in earth years. We come here, to take form, contribute, and deliver the payment (rent) for our stay on Earth. And then, going on, we will once again don the soul shape, and in that light, unformed, unconstrained, form, I can continue on to the next stop – the next planet, or galaxy perhaps? And depending on how adventurous I am, I will travel far, and away, and after making new discoveries, and gaining more experiences, one day I will drop down on Earth once again – my pit stop, and take a breather. Of course, I will need to obey the rules of the land, and take a body – whatever is available. Don’t really have a choice.

I would have seen so many things on my travels. And now I would like to share the shaping of my mind and my thoughts with others. Maybe, I do touch different souls, and tell them what I have gained, and lost. But these people will be different from the ones I had a chance to meet in my previous lifetime.

So, in that respect, maybe my life on Earth is not a journey, but a stay, a rest, and my travel is from and to Earth, not on Earth.

So, how do I want to look at life’s problems again? What do I want to think about all those happy times that I see on earth? Do I want to think about the time that I am losing from my journey through the universe by living longer on earth? Is that why I so often feel that I am wasting time, doing nothing? Is that why I feel better when I fall asleep, and acquire that dreamy weightlessness that allows me to travel across geographical boundaries, and even my yesterdays, and tomorrows? It gives me a chance to experience days and nights that I can never hope to live as the body that I have taken on Earth. Maybe that is why my dreams allow me a break – they take me away from Earth, and then giving me that bit of relaxation, bring me back, refreshed anew, and ready to live another day on Earth, and continue to be with others – my family, friends, and enemies.

Parents were children…once upon a time!

It is only as parents that we understand the binding on a parent to always do the best for their children, to always put children first, and to make sure that their children are most comfortable at any point in time. As children it is impossible to understand this need.
Until we are children, we constantly complain that our parents don’t do enough. Ironically, our parents also say the same – they didn’t do enough.
But we don’t realize this similarity until we find ourselves asking another question – how can parents do more?
Children forget what they’ve received. And parents forget what they’ve given.
Somehow, the generation gap doesn’t make a difference. In some respects, both children and parents think in exactly the same manner:
1. The house is not large enough.
2. The children’s room is not large enough.
3. The house doesn’t look beautiful enough.
4. The food is not tasty enough.
5. We don’t eat great food often enough.
6. The children need more clothes.
7. The children need more shoes.
8. The children need this … need that …oh, and that too!
9. The children could have done that for their parents. Oh never mind!
So, why is there a difference of opinion between parents and children?

A few…for me!

A few dreams I have collected inside me,
A few desires I will succumb to,
A few smiles I will grab for me,
A few scowls I will ignore too.
A few wins that I am waiting to find,
A few losses I will learn from,
A few paths I will make mine,
A few roads I will turn away from.
But there is something that is written for me,
It’s to be my own, my destiny.
Whether I choose to recreate or follow it,
It will be the epitaph I finally write for me.

Letter to my 18-year old Daughter

Today, I found this letter that I had written to my darling daughter about a year ago. It was a harrowing period with tons of conflict and confusion. I wrote this to gather strength for both of us, and help us get through that difficult time. Today, it’s not just a bittersweet memory, but also a very important lesson in priorities – deciding what’s important, what’s temporary, and what’s the real feeling that will continue forever. I thought I’ll put it here as a record and a reminder.

Hey baby,

I want to start by saying, once again that I love you. I know that you know that I love you. But I wanted to say it all the same.

I know that you and I are having a real bad time right now. And I know you want me to stay out of your life, and not try to discuss anything with you. But it’s really tough for me to do that because I love you. And when I see you going through all that pain and hurt, I want to take you in my arms, kiss and make it better. It’s just a natural Mom reaction. It isn’t something that is unique to me. All moms feel this way.

It doesn’t mean that you are wrong. You want to be independent, and you want to do your own thing. And this is right. You should be independent, and I will always be proud of you no matter what you choose to be. I think you know that – that I won’t dictate your choices. Guide you maybe, but never force you.

But please remember:

Being independent does not mean cutting away from me.

Being independent means that you do what you want to do, with me and without me.

Being independent does not mean that you do the wrong thing.

 Being independent means that of all the right choices available, you choose the right thing for yourself, the one that you like.

Being independent does not mean that you never make a mistake.

Being independent means that you try new things, in the process even make mistakes.

Being independent does not mean that you make a mistake and turn away from it.

 Being independent means that you accept that you made a mistake, fix it, and move on.

Being independent does not mean that you do not study.

 Being independent means that you study hard, build your career (NDA, choreography, CA, whatever!), and be strong and happy.

Please understand baby that you are now old enough to have feelings as strong as love. But even adults find it difficult to manage their love relationships. So, you are not the only one who is having fights or problems. A lot of people do. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You are not a bad girl for being confused between two guys. It’s a natural feeling, not a bad feeling. In time, you will figure out the right guy for you, and until you do, all that you need to do is try and understand yourself. Once you have understood yourself, you’ll know what you want also. This is just a period of confusion. And I know that you are very disturbed. But believe me motu, it will be ok soon. And you will once again be happy and fine.

I can understand that you feel a divide between you and me because I am your Mom. But you do need to talk to someone, such as a counselor who can help you sort out your problems.

Just remember that I will always be there for you. In your heart. Call out once, and I’ll come running.

Take care and be happy,

Mom

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